My Mother, Myself: From Whence A Writer Comes, or Gifts My Mother Gave Me

It was the best of times, and the worst of times.  I had just experienced the terror-laced exhilaration of my first national publication and   received acceptance to the three most prestigious journalism schools in the nation. I was about to step into womanhood in the age of feminism and seize the destiny I had envisioned for myself — and unwittingly outstrip my mother’s hard earned successes. This was, after all, exactly what she had raised me to do, but it was also a source of contention between us that I could not understand. Why was this woman who had worked so tirelessly and selflessly to provide me opportunity, and who had quietly nurtured my writing dreams, so mad at me all the time?

When Nancy Friday’s now-iconic but then controversial book “My Mother, Myself – The Daughter’s Search for Identity” came out in the late 70′s, I was the same age my daughter is now. I can still recall my mother’s embittered lambasting of the book and its message, and her refusal to not only read it but also to discuss any idea it put forth. The fact that I had read it was heretical. Even then, however, I understood she felt threatened by the very idea of turning a critical eye on herself  - because in opening that particular Pandora’s box she would have no choice but to reflect on her relationship with her own mother. We never did discuss that book.

Suffice it to say, mothers and daughters in my family have a long history of conflict and estrangement – something my mother and I were eventually able to overcome, and a pattern I hope I have successfully avoided repeating with my own daughter.

This season of motherhood has me pensive and moody, more sensitive than usual to the bittersweet memories it evokes and the invaluable bonds it symbolizes. It is a singular time in my life, to be sure. As I come into the realization of my lifelong dream, my daughter is on the verge of her own journey – and sadly, my mother has long since come to the end of hers.

As I contemplate the nature of mothers and daughters today, a question a friend of mine asked keeps resonating in my thoughts — How did you know you were a writer?

My mother told me.

Not in so many words, mind you.  My mother was never able to speak of encouragement or praise when I was growing up. Such sentiments were expressed in scribbles on bits of scrap paper left on my desk, or by the receipt for the prom dress we couldn’t afford taped to the fridge, and in a handful of unexpected surprises.

It was she who read my third grade teacher the riot act when he accused me of plagiarism, bought me my first typewriter, renewed my subscription to Writers Digest every year until I was 30, and insisted I send my verse to my great-uncle, the poet laureate, whom I had never met.

It was she who first believed in me, and this was the most important gift of all.

Happy Mother’s Day, Mom.

Idyll Book Review for May — THE SISTER QUEENS by Sophie Perinot

Though I was not yet familiar with these princesses of Provence, what a delightful introduction I received in this novel. Perhaps the most endearing aspect of the book is the way in which author Sophie Perinot tenderly reveals the lives of sister queens

Marguerite and Eleanor through their relationship with each other. Perinot employs the use of correspondence between the sisters to cue the reader to a change in point of view and to draw parallel timelines throughout the book. In this way, she also shows us the strong bond that ties these women to each other, despite the great distance and many years that separate them.

This device also helps to reinforce the individual voices of each of the sisters, which in my humble opinion, were not quite strong or distinct enough on their own to keep me from confusing one with the other throughout the story. This is a minor distraction, however, as the heart of the story lies in the natures of these women – intelligent, educated, sophisticated beauties – as their lives unfold on the pages, from daughter, to sister, to wife, to mother, and as leader. As portrayed in THE SISTER QUEENS, each of these women wielded great influence in their respective lands, despite the constraints of the customs of the day. As they say, behind every great man is a woman.

Most appealing to me is the loving relationship the author has drawn between Henry and Eleanor, in which the younger sister is allowed to employ her intelligence and given the opportunity to make significant contributions not only to her husband’s success, but to the betterment of the country he rules. Though both women must come to terms with the realities and limitations of their marriages, Eleanor at least finds some measure of happiness and satisfaction through partnership.

Oppositely, Marguerite’s empty marriage and her long-suffering pursuit of her husband’s affection is heart-rending. Perinot’s portrayal of Louis IX is less than romantic, albeit honest, and Marguerite is cast as a woman so desperate to be valued she curries a dangerous liasion. While fun to read, the detailed sexual encounters between the Queen and her lover seem almost out of place in this novel. The affair is in conflict with Marguerite’s core values, which seems to be much more troublesome for her lover than it is for her. The author’s premise of the affair is indeed plausible given the historical record, and it is certainly fun to entertain. Unfortunately, Marguerite’s character, as she is written in the early chapters, seems to devolve rather than evolve. While some readers will find her sympathetic and her behavior understandable (even laudable), others may find that she grows less appealing as the story progresses, rather than more. This is a risky choice by the author, but certainly opens the door to great book club discussions!

Overall, THE SISTER QUEENS is a rich and detailed account of two of history’s most overlooked royals. Women of strength, substance, and significance, Marguerite and Eleanor are heroines of the best sort – devoted and dutiful, and above all, true to themselves and each other. Sophie Perinot has given us a well-dressed window into the past through which the view is sweeping, vivid, and poignant. Carefully researched and artfully written, this novel is a triumphant debut.

Marketing Mondays — My Own Personal Purgatory

I really shouldn’t complain. After all, I did it to myself. Months ago, when I was trying to figure out how I could possibly market the debut of one novel while writing the next, I devised “Marketing Mondays”.  I set aside an entire day to focus on things like blog posts, Facebook fan page and website updates, Triberr re-posts, and gathering the data my publicist needs for the book launch. Not to mention developing my own mailing list and brainstorming ideas for contests and other release-party related ideas.  Made perfect sense, really. In fact, I had been recommending the exact same strategy to clients for years.

What WAS I thinking?!! Gads, how I now fear Mondays. It all starts with a prickling sensation on the back of my neck every Sunday evening, as I glance at the planner to get a feel for the week ahead. Not even an extra cup of my favorite honey-vanilla chamomile tea can ward off the dark dreams that follow. And then dawn breaks and there is dread coiled in the pit of my stomach. By the time I’ve poured the first mug of coffee, my palms are already perspiring.

Who knew this would be so HARD? So many tasks and so few hours in the day. And as you all already know, I often fail to get to it all. But week after week I chip away at the monolithic ‘to do’ list with a toothpick and hope to do better than I did the week before. Because every little bit counts. It really does.

I’d like to share today’s coup de gras — a little design my friend and colleague Jeanie James at Shorebird Media designed for me. Remember our talk about author branding? Well, one idea is to create a personal logo –>

Awen a Bendithion is a Welsh phrase that I have adopted as my personal salutation, shared with me by a fellow writer years ago. I’ll tell you what it means one of these days .

This lovely artwork speaks to my family heritage and embodies my personal totem creature, the hummingbird. It’s job is to uniquely represent me and my author identity. You’ll be seeing it a lot soon — on my blog, facebook fan page, and promotional materials. Have you thought about creating something that speaks for you?

As fugly as Marketing Monday is, it serves its purpose. Today I got more accomplished than I expected, but still not as much as I had hoped. Next week I’m going to try not to set myself up for disappointment – I just can’t take the constant feelings of failure and self-loathing. Here’s my plan for future Marketing Mondays — maybe it will help you, too:

Set Attainable Goals – one of my biggest stumbling blocks is the never ending ‘to do’ list. When I take it as a whole, it is insurmountable and since there are always things left to be done no matter how hard I try, I always end up feeling like I fell short. A better practice is to bite off small pieces — focus on a few selected tasks that can realistically be accomplished in the time you have available.

Mix it Up – of course the most time sensitive task is the one that ought to get done first, but it is stressful to constantly be managing your priorities by catering to chaos. A helpful time management tool is to keep yourself working ahead of the curve by adding at least one or two items to your list that isn’t hanging precariously on a deadline.

Delegate – many hands make light work, isn’t that what they say? Hire help, if you can. I use the lovely ladies at Beyond Novel because, frankly, this book is just too important to me to leave up to my own limited efforts. Knowing when to hand the work off is an important and powerful step toward achieving your marketing goals.

Well, that wraps up another Marketing Monday for me. I’m off in search of dark chocolate and caffeine — I earned it!

Coming Up for Air — But still treading water

It’s been a long few weeks of reviewing and revising as the manuscript works its way through production — and closer to debut. The official release date for THE WELL OF TEARS  is September 18, 2012.  Even as I write the date here I can hardly believe it.  The long wait is nearly over!

Still, I confess I’ve been struggling with the burden of balancing the many demands of the journey, which is ironic considering how well I knew what to expect. Honestly, I’d thought myself fully prepared. No one was more surprised than I to discover that there really are only 24 hours in a day. So, I am once again renewing my commitment to you all, dear readers. Weekly posts will resume, beginning now!

I’ve Been Tagged!!

The charming and talented Colin Falconer, one of my favorite historical authors and perhaps the most entertaining blogger on my list, has tagged me for the Lucky 7 Meme (see his post: http://colin-falconer.blogspot.com/2012/04/ive-been-tagged.html). It works this way:

1. You go to page 77 of your current WIP
2. You go to line 7
3. You copy down the next 7 lines, sentences or paragraphs and post them, as they’re written.
4. Finally, you tag 7 authors, and let them know they’re tagged.

For my part in the Lucky 7 Meme, I’m posting an excerpt from my current work, THE KEYS TO THE REALMS, which is in the early draft stage. This sequel to THE WELL OF TEARS is slated for publication in early 2013.  Both are books of the Dream Stewards series, historically based fantasies which center on the reign of Hywell dda, a 10th century Welsh king of whom little is known but whose reign left a lasting legacy. In the world of my creation, this mysterious king came to his great power with the aid of an obscure order of mages knows as the Stewards, charged with ensuring his success:

—

“Let him in, they you may leave.” Alwen allowed her second to help her on with the heavy, intricately adorned indigo velvet mantle of the Ard Druidh and seated herself in the ancient throne set upon a small dais that centered her chambers. “It is best I receive him in private.”

Glain nodded her assent but her grey eyes clouded with unspoken protests.  She had found it difficult to find much to like in their new resident. A concern Alwen shared and was looking to overcome.

“Leave the aleberry pot in the coals, will you?” Alwen tipped her head toward the hearth in the adjacent parlor and offered the girl a reassuring smile. “These visits tend to go better if he is assured his confidences will be kept, and after a cup or two of the spirits.”

Glain stifled a smile, still reluctant to relax into the familiarity that Alwen encouraged. “He tends to drink too much.”

“Take care, Glain. The king of the prophecy is due your respect, however begrudging it may be. He comes to us because the Fane is his only safe refuge, a place where he might find some relief for his worries.” Alwen’s wink coaxed a full grin from the girl. “But yes, he does.”

The sentry’s firm double rap on the outside of her chamber door signaled her visitor had arrived. Glain placed two silver cups on the hearth and set the pot to warm as requested, ushered in the king-to-be, and then made a discreet exit.

Hywel stood once again in Alwen’s presence, but this time at her request. Circumstances that clearly annoyed him. but he had come, nonetheless. His glower might well have shriveled any one else, but Alwen knew her power. Still, he was an unnerving enigma — every bit as regal as he was ruthless. She gestured toward the hornbeam and hazelwood desk beneath the double transom window on the far wall, and the more ordinary chair that stood behind it. “Sit, so we may speak plainly.”

—

And now, the 7 authors I’d like to tag (in no particular order):

Anne R. Allen

Sara Ramsey

Stephanie Dray

Sophie Perinot

Stefanie Sloane

Teresa Frohock

Rosanne Lortz

Thanks, Colin!!

Pssst, Book Business — The Readers Are Watching! Why Crushing the Competition Leads to a Pyrrhic Victory

Not a day goes by without a colleague, friend or family member emailing me a link to another article about the war between Amazon and the publishing industry. It makes sense, really. After all, I am an Amazon author — among the first writers to sign with one of Amazon Publishing’s new traditional imprints, and also one of many authors to find their way to the reading public via one of the innovative publishing venues emerging in the new world.  So where do I come down on all the issues over e-books? Well, pretty much wherever the reader does.

It’s the Reader That Matters

I write to be read. Naturally, earning a living along the way would be nice. And of course I am concerned about the impact the emotionally charged power plays between publishers, distributors and retailers will have on my book sales. Am I sad that B&N and some independent booksellers won’t carry my books in their stores? Sure, you bet.  All I can really do about any of it is decide how to work with whatever options are left to me.  But here’s the thing. When any retailer limits their customer’s options they really only hurt themselves.  Readers, like all consumers, are driven by availability, price, and ease of purchase. They want what they want when they want it. Readers create demand, not booksellers or publishers or distributors. And let us not forget that in the age of the author-preneur,  I have the ability to influence my own market share more than ever before. Locking me out of one sand box will only send my readers looking for somewhere else to play. The net result, no matter how you look at it, is a lost sale. What sense does that make?

Standing on Principle

That’s not to say that I don’t understand the arguments on both sides of this particular fence. I have always been and always will be an outspoken advocate of the small business, in particular the independent book store. For many, their livelihood is at stake in these very difficult economic times. But doing business in a consumer driven economy is always fickle, and change will always come. Survival doesn’t depend on leveling the field, it depends on innovation, adaptation, and the ability to respond quickly to consumer demands. In the end, it’s the forward-thinking proprietor with the ability to change it up on a dime who is left standing. No amount of boycotting will change that. Some folks have already figured out that when you can’t force an obstacle out of your way, the best thing to do is to find a way around it. And I’m happy to say there are a number of really savvy publishers and booksellers out there doing just that.

The Age of Proprietary Technology

The struggle for E-book dominance between Kindle, Nook and iPad is not a new paradigm. With every technological advancement, one or two giants muscle their way to the top and then duel to the death. Lots of little players get stomped on in the process, but this is the way capitalism works. It’s essentially a kind of consumer Darwinism – but industry tends to forget that it is the consumer that decides who survives.

Seth Godin addresses the shortsightedness of limiting the flow of content in an insightful post on the Domino Project blog . Godin points out that the marketplace — be it virtual or physical — “like your mind, works best when it’s open.”  Likewise, Mathew Ingram, in his post on How the E-book landscape is Becoming a Walled Garden , argues that a platform-dependent bookstore model hurts everyone. I agree. Reminds me of the range wars between the ranchers and the land barons over water rights in the Old West — in the end, a bunch of cowboys got shot and a whole lotta cows died of thirst.  That right there is a lose-lose scenario.

Which brings me to my point.  Diversity is at the heart of a thriving commercial ecosystem — and that is particularly true when it comes to ideas, art, and music.  No matter who wins the battle for control of e-book distribution, everyone stands to lose market share one way or another. The fact is that the publishing industry is experiencing an unavoidable, irreversible metamorphosis. Some publishers and booksellers will survive, and some won’t. But there will always be writers and readers in search of each other.

—

Roberta Trahan is a 30-year marketing veteran, copywriter, editor, and author of the debut fantasy novel WELL OF TEARS (47North /Amazon Publishing) — coming Sept. 2012.

Idyll Review for January: Miserere — by Teresa Frohock

One of my resolutions for 2012 was to start posting reviews of books (other than mine) that I think are noteworthy. Once a month, I will post a new reading recommendation. We begin this month, with Teresa Frohock’s deserving debut, Miserere – An Autumn Tale.

An impressive first work by a talented author, this book was a compelling read. A well-imagined parallel reality provides an intriguing setting for the unfolding of potentially earth-ending events and a powerful quest. Teresa Frohock skillfully intertwines deeply spiritual themes (which could have easily become heavy-handed religious diatribe, but didn’t) into an action-packed yet emotional adventure that delivers a highly entertaining experience for the reader.

Night Shade Books, Trade Paper, ISBN 978-1597802895

The focus of the story is the soul-tortured hero Lucian, who frankly was the reason I couldn’t put this book down. Lucian’s journey toward forgiveness through reflection and painful self-discovery brought me to tears more than once. Lucian, more than any other character in the book, is so well drawn that he almost rises to walk across the pages. Equally as heart-tugging is the foundling, Lindsay, who becomes the catalyst for Lucian’s redemption. Rachael, the maligned object of Lucian’s desire, faces her own inner demons — literally and figuratively — with grace and courage that makes her both lovable and memorable. Add the evil dominatrix Catarina and you have the makings of a classic heroic journey set against an innovative (and also darkly dramatic) backdrop.

That said, I came away at the end of the book feeling like I had read an abridged version, which I suspect could be due to deep cuts and edits designed to meet a publisher’s page count. The result, whatever the reason, is the lingering feeling of having just scratched the surface of a deeper story.  Another 50 pages would have allowed for richer detail and deeper development of the secondary characters (especially love interest Rachel, and twin sister Catarina–the primary antagonist).

This is one of those very rare books where the editor in me was actually begging for MORE back story. The ending, though maybe rushed, a bit predictable and too sweet in the wake of the visceral punch of the rest of the book, did leave me wanting more. The artful world building and intriguing cast of characters are full of potential which I can only hope will result in a long-lived series. I look forward to whatever comes next from this author.

Next Month: Song of the Nile & Lily of the Nile (Novels of Cleopatra’s Daughter) by Stephanie Dray .

Am I A “Real” Writer ? – Life Lessons I Learned from The Velveteen Rabbit

Did you have a favorite childhood book? Mine was (and still remains) The Velveteen Rabbit by Margery Williams. In fact, I have re-read that book dozens of times over the decades, and still find it every bit as affecting as I did when I was 5. It continues to hold a place in my heart because the parables illustrated through the story have always resonated deeply with me – although with the passing of time (i.e. as I get older) how I perceive those parables changes. To me this is the mark of a truly timeless tale.

Don’t know the story? Let me give you a brief summary. The book opens Christmas day in a child’s nursery where a new but plain and simple stuffed cloth rabbit is being snubbed by the other more expensive or mechanical toys—who consider themselves better than the rabbit because they have become real. The old but wise Skin Horse befriends the Velveteen Rabbit and explains that a toy becomes really real when its owner truly loves it. This becomes the Velveteen Rabbit’s unending desire and one day, when a favorite toy is lost, the child is given the stuffed rabbit as a replacement. The two become inseparable and through the boy’s eyes, the Velveteen Rabbit comes to see himself as real—despite all evidence to the contrary. Then, illness strikes and all of the toys are ordered destroyed in order to disinfect the nursery. The boy is given a new stuffed bunny and shuttled away to the seashore to recover, leaving the Velveteen Rabbit behind. Now discarded and awaiting the bonfire, the Velveteen Rabbit realizes he was never really real at all. His profound grief causes him to cry an actual tear, which awakens the magic fairy of the nursery who reassures the Velveteen Rabbit that he was indeed real, but only to the boy. In an act of loving kindness, the fairy transports the velveteen rabbit to the woods and bestows her kiss, which grants his greatest wish – making him real in the eyes of all.

It’s a very sweet story, isn’t it? But how does this possibly have anything at all to do with writing, you ask? Good question.

Next month two very talented, well-respected colleagues and I will begin another session of a novel rewriting and revision workshop we have been teaching together for the last couple of years. This time around I am in a new place as a writer and subsequently as an instructor, and I’ve been looking at ways I can use my new experiences as a contracted novelist to help our students. Many of them are terrified to have their work dissected, and I have a lot of empathy for their anxiety. Been there, done that. I’ve also never been more acutely aware of my role in the critique process and how important it is to tread carefully. It is so absolutely essential for every writer to open themselves up to feedback, and yet we are all terribly vulnerable in that exchange. The trust between writer and mentor is sacred, and fragile. Not unlike the bond between a boy and a stuffed bunny who longs to be real to the world. .

Becoming Real

When I was very young, the simple but meaningful message I took away from The Velveteen Rabbit was that love makes you real. This idea was very comforting to me. It gave me a context for defining my existence – an answer to that universal question – “how did I come to be?” It all made sense to me: my parents and grandparents loved me, therefore I was real.

As an adolescent, I came to understand that the love makes you real adage was more a philosophical approach to the meaning of life than an actual scientific principle. When I re-visited The Velveteen Rabbit again, I perceived the concept of ‘being real’ as “being valued”. At that age, I believed that a person’s value to others was determined by intrinsic character traits, and so I strived to become a person of integrity, loyalty, compassion and kindness. Soon I was the most sought after babysitter in the entire neighborhood.

Then came the teen years and the universal question evolved into “who am I?” and then “why am I here?” By then I had begun to see myself as a person with things to say, and realized that just maybe I had a talent for prose. Was I a writer? Once again, I turned to The Velveteen Rabbit in search of answers. As my perception of the world at large had become, well, larger, so had my understanding of the concepts of “being real” and “being valued”. In this bigger picture view of my life, which now included my future, I determined that “being real” and “being valued” could be synonymous with recognition and admiration. These and other accolades carried weight with me because I had seen that they opened the doors to opportunities. But in order to receive those awards and acknowledgments, I would have to risk rejection. My desire to achieve legitimacy overruled my fears and I began to enter writing contests and submitting essays for publication. There was rejection, LOTS of rejection, but there was also acceptance—albeit in small increments. I held on to hope and tried hard to learn from the critiques. In the end, the attention (both good and bad) my work received from others whom I admired or understood to be influential shaped my vision of myself. I had, to some greater extent, discovered an identity and purpose- as a writer.

But Am I Really Real?

Now, I suspect there are some of you who are aching to remind me that my sense of self-worth should not have been so affected by how others judged me. Let me reassure you – I am oversimplifying my formative years here and focusing solely on my development as a writer. But even in that narrow scope, the opinions of others were in fact a significant determinant in how I saw myself and my potential. How could it work if they weren’t? Pretty much everything I hold to be true about myself is at least in part a result of analyzing and reflecting upon the judgments of others. That’s how we learn and grow and formulate that all important sense of self – by evaluating the checks and balances we encounter as we explore our existence. The trick is in figuring out how to filter the gold nuggets out of the silt and leave the dregs where they belong. For a writer, this is the very foundation of craft building, and the beginning of the journey of self-discovery that leads us to our individual voice. In the end, writers cannot gain and grow an audience without a grounded connection to the collective consciousness, which is one of the reasons why the reaction from our readers is so important.

Anaiis Nin gave us my favorite writing quote of all time – “The role of the writer is not to say what we all can say, but to say what we cannot say.” It is only once we fully understand the parameters of commonly held beliefs and ideals that we can effectively stretch those boundaries by expressing new thoughts and creative ideas from our unique point of view. To do that, however, we need a well fed ego and a lifetime supply of self-confidence.

And this is why validation continues to be so critical to me in my writing career. A colleague and friend of mine used to get so frustrated with me because I could not completely step into and own any piece of my writing identity until I had achieved a certain level of recognition. (Guess she hadn’t read The Velveteen Rabbit).

For me, the first acknowledgment that I could be a career fiction writer was earning her editorial nod, telling me my work was of publishable quality. The second was receiving an offer of representation from an agent. The third was winning a publishing contract and seeing my name listed in Publishers Marketplace (insert sound of cheering crowd here). Today, I confess, I finally feel like a really real author.

Of course, this is only my point of view and how I look at my own path to publishing. We each must find our own way, and there are infinite routes. Each of us holds different values for our writing, and each of us looks for different milestones. Nonetheless, sooner or later it is absolutely necessary to risk rejection in order to achieve your dream. Believing in yourself is only the beginning. From that sheltered place, you must reach out and ask to see yourself through someone else’s eyes. How else will you know where you stand?

Congratulations to our students this next session, who have made the terrifying leap of faith and opened themselves up to whatever comes. Such an important step! Take heart, fellow writers. Like the boy and the Velveteen Rabbit, once someone besides your mother, brother, husband or best friend (like a mentor, instructor, agent or editor) sees you are a really real writer, the possibility becomes infinitely greater that one day, everyone else will too.